Well, I suppose tomorrow will be the day our lives change forever. Toby and I will be heading up to the hospital at 10pm tonight to start the induction.
I'm pretty sure today has been the slowest moving day of my life. I've been searching for things to do to help the time pass, but nothing seems to be working. And I still keep glancing at the time... 11:53 AM... seriously?! I've known about this date for the past two weeks and have naturally been so excited; however, this morning, when I got up from another sleepless night, my nerves were overwhelming. Talk about nervous! I'm not sure what's better... to know the day you will become a parent, or for the day to come by surprise. I can definitely say we are more than prepared... the house has been cleaned three times over, grocery shopping - done, numerous trips to Babies R Us for last minute supplies - done, bills paid up for the month - done, and I must admit, there's not one dirty piece of clothing in the entire house... But all this preparation can hardly prepare me for what's to come.
For weeks I've been consumed by the thoughts of what he will look like. I think I'm most excited to see if he'll be blonde like Toby or brunette like me - and if he'll have Toby's killer dimples. I've also been assessing my reaction if it turns out he has Down's Syndrome. When we first found out of the increased possibility, it was waaaaaayyy back at 20 weeks. I've since been able to put it out of my mind, but now, the day before his birth, the thoughts are back. How will I react? What will the Dr. say when she delivers him? Hopefully, we won't have to worry about that at all, but I can't help but wonder how I will react when I see my son for the first time. ...The little guy with the feet that have adored my rib cage for months.
Nevertheless, Cooper is coming... soon, very soon. Tomorrow, Toby and I will be mom and dad. We'll have someone we're responsible for other than ourselves and someone we'll worry about for the rest of our lives. We'll have a helpless little creature who will depend on us for every little thing in his life. He'll laugh with us when he's happy, he'll cry for us when he's sad, and he'll learn that no matter what, we'll always be the people he can come to for anything. I can only hope that I'm as great a parent as my mom and dad were for me. I hope that when Cooper is all grown up that he'll be able to look back on his life and smile when he thinks of all the great experiences he shared with his family. Maybe I'm thinking a bit far into the future... I suppose for now, we should focus on how to feed him, bathe him, and change his diapers. Hopefully, I'll remember that when using Desitin... it only takes a dab. (Sorry, Lily.) But nevertheless, these are the things I'm thinking about today. I just want to be a great mom. For years and years I've thought about this day... the day I turn into a mother. A comforter. A nurturer. A protector. And I can't believe it's finally here. :)
Ready or not Cooper... here you come!
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
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